New Beginnings Amidst Fear - Taking a Leap of Faith w/ Business Ventures

If you would've told me my senior year of college, that I'd be freelancing, I probably would've given you a side eye. At the same time, I'd also see it as a possibility. As a child, I was very much a boisterous, hyper, sassy, lil' wild child with an overflow of humorous joy. From always stripping down to my diaper-underwear, yelling 'woah busy' to the bus driver who made wide turns, dancing as if I belonged on somebodies stage at a concert, and singing my little heart out to Ciara's 1, 2 step on my barbie karaoke machine. I was a hand full. Hand full of joy that is, and I still am. Minus the hyper, that comes in spurts lol. Ya girl gets fatigued. My personality evolved like waves of the sea. As a child, my personality resembled high tides and crashing waves. As I morphed during puberty, the sea of my personality was calm with abrupt tidal waves, due to my hormones. The tail end to now, I'm in-between. A mix of high-tides and calm waters when necessary. Borderline extrovert with introverted tendencies. 

I know, what does your little wave analogy have to do with a business venture? How do you plan to tie both loose ends together? It ties together, because along with the fire ball of a child inside of me, it webbed to various creative abilities, passions and gifts. I loved to draw and I still do, even though I haven't picked up the sketching pad in awhile. I will dance battle against you, as if I'm in, You Got Served doing it for Lil Saint. Music was my first love before Jesus, now it's my second love. I love to sing and fill in the gaps with harmonies of various songs to make it complete. I lack confidence as far as fully singing in front of others. I normally stifle my voice or don't belt out, because of fear, so often times it appears to others that I can't sing. Those who do get to hear me sing, are normally surprised like, "You can sing!" I'm listing this, because since these are things that bring me joy, it boasts a creative nature. A nature that needs an outlet, and various avenues to further develop it. 

These facts, do in fact, coincide with business ventures. At the 5+ jobs I've had from my freshman year of college to 2 years out, I've never been satisfied. I always capped out, because I'd mastered the position or I was extremely burnt out. My most recent position, I was miserable. Not because of the work environment, but because I wasn't utilizing my gifts and tapping into my creative side. During a performance review, my then supervisor stated, "Shania, you're a creative individual and that's apparent. Try to tap into it with X work endeavor." I've been affirmed many times by individuals about my capabilities, but in this case I believe that my supervisor knew that I wasn't being challenged in that area. They knew that I wasn't happy. Even though I came to work daily and worked as unto the Lord, I seemed off. Since God didn't give me the green light to leave, I was in the midst of an obedient, waiting season. Though I knew that, that red light would eventually turn green.

After trying to purchase a home and go back to school, I happened to browse the available positions within the company and an Experience Manager position popped up in Brooklyn. I read the description and became abundantly overjoyed. I applied, told my manager, interviewed, then I was told that another internal candidate is moving forward, though if anything fell through I'd be offered the position. My immediate response was disappointment, then thankfulness. Gratitude should've been the first response, but the flesh y'all. I applied for another position, but it was the same title as my then position. I was torn and was about to settle, because I really wanted to move. I wanted and should've stayed in the managerial job postings, but didn't. In the end, I ceased moving forward, because they weren't willing to budge on the salary. I only interviewed for one other position, but I knew immediately afterwards that I didn't get it, based upon the interview. I applied for 100+ jobs and rejection email after rejection email. "We're sorry, but we decided to go with another candidate that better fit the position. Please visit or site and apply for other positions." or straight up no responses.

This was the second time I tried to move to NYC, and it fell through. It was also, the second time I tried to purchase a home in Louisville, so it was further confirmation that I wasn't meant to stay there either. Through tons of rejection emails or no responses at all, I knew that what God had for me, would be and I wouldn't have to jump through hoops for it. I journaled, prayed and processed. To the Lord I asked and said, "is the constant closed door and rejection meant to lead me to an entrepreneurial endeavor? I always enjoy a job in the honeymoon phase, then it wears off as I master the position. By that time, I'm ready for something else or I'm burnt out. If Imma be burnt out, I'd rather it be for my own business. I'd much rather have to only answer to you, Father." One remote job, a move and another remote job later, I'm still in the works of planning and working on launching a business. It's scary.

Fear is real, but my God is the realest. I have to choose to forcefully break through the fear and move. It also shows my lack of trust, in a plan that God led me to, and is realizing. Just as much as he birthed the business idea, how much more will He provide as I move along in the process. I have a few friends who are willing to be my trial participants, prior to launching to build testimonials and credibility amongst potential clients. Here's to new beginnings amidst fear. To those green lights, open doors and submitting to God's pace, instead of trying to walk at your own. God's way is always better than our own, and we often face disastrous consequences due to disobedience. Keep pushing, remain faithful and continue to hope, and believe in God's promises to His children.

All the Love,

Shania M. ♡