I'm Single & Okay If I Never Get Married: Nope, I've Never had a Boyfriend.

You're reading this and you may think that this is a fabricated story. You may even believe I'm being transparent, but think that there's a caveat. Something must be wrong with me. Is she too picky? Does she have too high standards? Maybe she has repellant traits that keep the 'mens' away. If you read the title and thought that I'm lying or that there is some red flag about me, let me pose a few questions to you.

Is a relationship, marriage or anything along those lines an idol in your life? Is singleness an idol? Do you view singleness as a curse? You know marriage isn't a thing in heaven right? If you're in that number, His Bride (the church) will be reunited with the Groom (God) {Ephesians}. Do you struggle with lust or pornography, and think that marriage is the end all be all solution? I plead with you in the most gentle, yet firm way that it's not the solution. If you struggle with pornography, lust, envy, greed, anger, etc., before marriage you'll still struggle after.  Just stop isn't a helpful answer either. Examine yourselves, seek counsel, gain accountability and ask God for more of the Spirits help in your life. 

My freshman and sophomore year of college, I wish someone would've asked me the questions that I asked you. I was a wreck. I idolized marriage, because I added to the word. I thought that, that was the "way of escape" God provides in regard to sin. After all, it's better to marry than burn with lust, right? Before Christ (B.C.) Shania was enslaved to pornography, lust and all of the things that stems from the main source of struggle. I was in chains y'all. After Christ (A.C.) Shania *cue Mary Mary - Shackles*. A.C. Shania still struggled, but not as frequent. The guilt, shame and not fully comprehending grace (still baffles me) I was distraught. It wasn't until resting on there being no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1), that there was full and complete solace. A realization that the past, present and future sins that has, is and will have me playing tug of war with the flesh vs. Spirit, has already been paid for. Before you go there, that's no reason to abuse grace. Keep repenting, keep believing and keep clinging to Jesus. There's always a way of escape. 

Once I realized that I idolized marriage, I swung to the other side of idolizing singleness, because of selfishness like, "I can do or go without answering to a husband." Also, because of fear of not seeing stable, godly marriages within my family. I grew up with two generations of divorced/single women on my maternal side and on my paternal side, distant grandparents under the same roof. 

Okay, I understand that, but you really haven't had a boyfriend? Surely you've been on a date or two. Why haven't you had a relationship?

Those questions or some similar may have been roaming your mind, so I'll answer. Nope. Nah, I really haven't had a boyfriend. Yes, I've been on dates. I've never had a boyfriend for a number of reasons that I'll try to explain as briefly as possible. I had relatives and family friends that scared the heebee-geebees out of me, so fear for the first half of my life. I'm sadly serious y'all lol. The fear of man, people pleasing part of me is exposed. I didn't give my life to Christ (believe, confess, repent, baptized, in that order) until I was 15 years old. A very hormonal and influential age. Since I was saved at that age, I knew that majority of the lil boys in my high school weren't about anything, but fornication, drugs and underage drinking. There were a few who weren't and they either weren't saved or were, but I didn't find them attractive.

Education. I was sharply focused on my schooling. So much so, that I made a vow that I wouldn't entertain the thought of a serious relationship until the tail end of undergrad or until I finished. Obviously it's true because I graduated in 2019. 

It's now 2021 and yes, I've been on a dates, had individuals show interest and was even 'talked' to. I'm actually pretty chill and goofy. I'm not saying this to be boastful, but I have a likable personality. Okay, that seems boastful, but it's true. I've been told so by others. End of 2020, beginning of 2021, I uttered words I never thought I would. "If I'm single the rest of my life it's okay. At this point and time, I'm honestly good." Those words weren't from a place of rejection, hurt, pain or anything negative. It was genuine and pure, still is. Ask me that question in five years though. I'm not sure what the Lord will do and how he'll change my desires. I'm not on some, "I wasn't even looking for a husband. I was so focused on 'X' and that's when God sent him." I'm not seeking to put on a facade of contentment, as if I can play God and get a 'man dem'. My contentment doesn't come with ulterior motives attached. My contentment is contentment, point blank. The . stands for period, if you didn't catch on lol.

What about kids?

Love em'. Want em'. Adoption is always an option and I would adopt as a single woman. Fostering is growing on me. But Shania, what about a father figure in their lives? That's what the body of Christ is for. So many strong, godly, faithful brothers who can be an example to adopted children. What better way to display the Gospel and welcome in children to a large family.

Do you have questions? Do you relate? Were you hit with an uppercut by conviction? Let's chat below!

All the love,

Shania M. ♡